Friday Funny Pregnancy Porn

Ladies (and the “gentlemen” who arrived here on accident searching for “pregnancy porn”), this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Even funnier, perhaps, than the hypnotized men giving birth.

You have to visit Pregnant Chicken and read “Porn for Pregnant Ladies.” It’s hilarious. A little taste of what brilliance you’ll find over there:

pregnant women porn

If you’re on Twitter, look up my #FridayFunny hashtag for previous posts and use it to share your own pregnancy, motherhood and parenting humor posts, too. Why? Because I strongly believe that we should look back on our weeks and be able to have a laugh.

Love, Tara

“When Will I Start to Wear Maternity Pants?”

Slim Leg Maternity PantsWhen you need to move fully into maternity pants varies woman-to-woman, pregnancy-to-pregnancy.

My sister-in-law, who wore a size 6 before her first pregnancy, didn’t need to purchase maternity pants until she was well into her second trimester. Now in her second pregnancy, her belly “popped” quickly and she started to gain weight almost immediately upon conception. By 5 weeks(!) into her second pregnancy, she was pulling out her maternity pants.

Alternatively, we’ve had a Materni-Talk reader previously comment to say that she never had to even wear maternity pants! During her pregnancy, only her belly grew larger (not her bottom, thighs, and hips which is more common), and she was able to wear her regular pants and skirts below her abdomen.

Each of us gains weight differently during pregnancy, with some women gaining only in the belly, and others adding inches and soft spots all over the body. These weight and size adjustments also vary as to when they happen during pregnancy. Some women will put on pounds and inches right away. For others, it’s not until the 5th or 6th or even 7th month that their abdomen suddenly swells and dressing becomes a problem.

When you will need to move into maternity pants is entirely up to your unique body and your unique pregnancy.

Maternity Clothes Buying Tip: If it’s your first pregnancy, you might be tempted to run to the nearest Old Navy and grab half a dozen pairs of maternity jeans, pants and skirts as soon as you have trouble buttoning your favorite pair. Hold on! Instead, order a Belly Belt Combo Kit. In doing so, you’ll be buying yourself a few more weeks (possibly months) of letting your abdomen grow larger and seeing what other places you gain weight before you make your maternity pants purchases.

By knowing in advance that your body is going to continue to change in ways you can’t predict at the beginning of pregnancy, you might be saved from spending hundreds of dollars on pants that fit only in the first few months.

Love,

Tara

Avoid Common Mistakes in Buying Maternity Clothes

Pregnancy opens up a whole new world, and when it comes to maternity clothes shopping, it can be a confusing one. Here are some tips to help you navigate the maternity clothes shopping gauntlet and to help you avoid common mistakes in buying maternity clothes. By keeping these thoughts in mind when you’re shopping, you’ll know which items on the rack are real deals, and which are duds, which maternity clothes are worth purchasing, and which are best passing up.

Maternity Clothes Shopping Mistake #1 – Focusing on Cheap Maternity Clothes

cheap maternity clothesI know: maternity clothes are expensive.

No, it’s not a conspiracy to hijack women’s pocketbooks at a time when they’re forced to buy clothes.

The reason maternity clothes are expensive is because they’re made in smaller production runs than other clothes. Fewer sales mean higher cost per item. Unless you shop for your maternity clothes at mega-mass-market retailers who have created discount maternity lines like Old Navy, Walmart and–God forbid–Forever 21, then you’re going to be experiencing some sticker shock.

The high price tag on maternity clothes is a common complaint by pregnant women and so a common mistake is to shop for maternity clothes that are as cheap as possible.

The problem with focusing on cheap maternity clothes is that you’re going to end up with tops and bottoms that aren’t well made, won’t last long and won’t fit well. “Big deal,” you may say, “I’m only going to wear them for a short time.”

When you find that your brand-new maternity top that you wore once or twice started to unravel after being washed, you won’t feel like you just saved money.

Another problem with cheaply made maternity clothes is that they lose their stretchiness and shape over time–that is, if they had any to begin with. A girlfriend of mine picked up some inexpensive maternity leggings at Target then called me to order some “real” Ingrid & Isabel maternity leggings the next day. She said she spent all day that she was wearing her maternity leggings pulling them up and hitching them over her belly and trying to keep them in place. The ultimate cost of her “savings” on the Target brand is that she wasted the entire purchase price of something she couldn’t wear at all.

Spending money on high-value, high-quality items ultimately saves you more money in the long run. And when you can get a coupon code to get a little savings, then so much the better.

Maternity Clothes Shopping Mistake #2 – Not Considering the Fabric

choose the right maternity fabricNo matter what stage of pregnancy you begin to buy maternity clothes, you won’t be at that stage long. (That’s the frustrating part about having to buy the clothes, now, isn’t it?)

Your breasts are going to increase in size throughout your pregnancy and again after baby is born. As the months progress, some women find that their arms fill out, making sleeves feel tight. Your rib cage expands in late pregnancy, making some shirts tight around the shoulders, too. Late stage weight gain may add pounds to your thighs and bottom, and your hips widen as your pelvic bones loosen, so that maternity pants suddenly don’t fit right. And then, of course, after baby is born, the weight comes down–but not enough to fit into pre-pregnancy pants.

The key, then, to making the most out of your maternity clothes purchases is to find items made with strong, flexible material that will not only grow with you, but also retain their shape and stretchiness. These types of maternity clothes will stay snug, flattering and supportive as your belly and body grow larger, and then again, when you get smaller.

Look for:

  • Breathability, softness, durability and stretch
  • Natural fabrics such as cotton, modal, and bamboo
  • Blended jersey made from those natural materials together with Spandex or lycra

Avoid buying:

  • Silk, rayon and even 100% cotton–which won’t have any give in them when other parts of you start  to get bigger.
  • Synthetics like polyester that hold heat to the skin
  • Any clothing with dyes that rub off when you hold them
  • Maternity clothes should NOT be “permanent press” or “wrinkle-free.” Recent articles have shown that such fabrics are treated with chemicals like formaldehyde that are dangerous to pregnant women and their babies.

Maternity Clothes Shopping Mistake #3 – Shopping Too Early & Blowing Your Budget in the First Trimester

maternity budgetThe first problem you’re likely to encounter with your changing body is that your pants won’t fit, but before you go blowing your budget on a couple pairs of $150+ maternity jeans and pants, know that your belly won’t be large enough yet to fill them out. Plus, you don’t know just how big you’re going to get.

Solve this problem with buying one or both of the following:

Both of these items allow you to wear your current pants and skirts longer, making them a great value. They’ll come in handy again after pregnancy when your belly is smaller, but not small enough to get back into pre-pregnancy clothes.

A second problem you’re going to encounter early in pregnancy is that your bra won’t fit anymore. Or, your breasts may ache so much that you need a bra that’s more supportive and comfortable.

But before you get excited about your larger bust and blow a couple hundred dollars on an assortment of new bras, realize that your breasts are going to continue to change and grow for the next year. By all means, buy a new bra as soon as you need one–but just get one now because you’ll have to get more by your 6th or 7th month, and maybe a couple more while you’re breastfeeding. And, if you can, make your early maternity bra purchase one that has stretchy cups that will expand a little as you grow and make sure you can wear the bra on the tighest band setting–that way, as your rib cage expands, you’ll be able to let it out and still stay comfortable.

These two strategies should save you lots of money initially, so you’ll have some budget left when you’re in the second and third trimesters and need to find new clothes for work or special occasions.

Maternity Clothes Shopping Mistake #4 – Not Thinking Ahead

stages of maternity clothesWhy buy maternity tops for pregnancy and nursing tops for breastfeeding, when you can buy maternity nursing tops that will work for all the stages of new motherhood?

Several brands of maternity clothes today are made to serve longer than the nine months of pregnancy. There are maternity nursing clothes on the market now that are designed with stretchy fabrics that retain shape, so while they expand to fit your blossoming belly, they also will bounce back to fit well postpartum.

Even better, maternity nursing dresses and maternity nursing tops have discreet panels to allow for breastfeeding access after baby arrives. The first iterations of maternity nursing shirts used to have square top panels that you’d lift up to reveal slits for breastfeeding access, but today’s styles are more inventive and attractive. Many are available in seasonless colors and fabrics that can be easily layered and accessorized to take you through winter to spring and early summer, or vice versa.

While your new pregnancy may have you excited about the opportunity to go out shopping and splurging (and rightfully so!), keep in mind the needs you’ll have 4-6 months ahead. Especially if you’re a working mom and planning to nurse your new baby for the recommended minimum of 6 months, you’ll be wearing maternity clothes of some sort or another for over a year’s time! For some women, they’re in maternity clothes for 2 years.

When purchasing your maternity clothes, think ahead and invest in quality pieces that will work for both pregnancy and breastfeeding.

Maternity Clothes Shopping Mistake #5 – Skimping on Accessories

maternity accessoriesDon’t just change your wardrobe with maternity clothes–accessorize.

To flatter your new, larger shape, purchase a new, larger handbag, some chunkier beaded necklaces or long pendant pieces. You want some size, color and length in your maternity accessories to create a draw for the eye.

If you don’t have a long, open cardigan, get one! Blazers are coming back, and can look great, opened of course, on a pregnant woman.

Pick up a new scarf with a bold color or pattern. Get some longer, bigger earrings. And don’t forget to pick out a pair of new, comfortable tall boots.

The right accessories can elongate your silhouette and create a put-together look. They’re also really useful for allowing you to create different looks with the same basic maternity clothes pieces. You can swap tops and bottoms and layers with various kinds of accessories and get more wear out of the maternity clothes you’ve purchased.

Read more in a guest post “How to Add Wow to Maternity Wear” from style expert Amy Tara Koch.

Maternity Clothes Shopping Mistake #6 – Falling Prey to Maternity Mythology

maternity mythJust because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean that you can’t wear certain types of clothes any more, or that you have to wear certain types of clothes. Whatever your style, you can stick to it. In decades past, pregnancy meant months doomed to mu-mus, tent tops and giant collars and sleeves. But those days, fortunately, are long gone and today’s women have lots of choices.

Pregnancy doesn’t mean that you have to ditch your personal style and turn into somebody else’s idea of what an expecting mother looks like. If your style is edgy, stay edgy. If it’s professional, stay professional. If it’s a tailored and fitted look, keep wearing a tailored and fitted look. There’s no pregnancy police out there to cite you for not wearing tent dresses or empire-waist tops if you just hate them.

You will be feeling new things and thinking new things about yourself as you journey into becoming a mother, but that doesn’t mean you have try to become someone else’s version of “pregnant mom.” Be you. While you’ll change in some ways after your baby is born, you’ll still be you. Embracing who you are during pregnancy by holding true to your personal style will ensure that when you look in the mirror and are shocked by your giant belly, you’ll still recognize yourself and maybe even love your curves.

Maternity Clothes Shopping Mistake #7 – Feeling Bad About Your Body

feeling bad about pregnant bodyIt’s SO easy to feel discouraged when buying maternity clothes.

I had a very tough time of it when I was pregnant because I’m a tall, curvy woman with a large bust, wide hips and long legs. The down side to my hourglass figure is that many clothes styles are impossible for me to wear. I couldn’t find a maternity bra or maternity pants in a three-state radius that fit me. I felt terrible when I was trying on clothes because nothing fit. NOTHING. I felt like a freak and an enormous, hulking cow.

Before I had gone out looking for a bra, I loved my even fuller breasts. Before I had looked for maternity jeans, I had loved how high I was carrying my baby and how big my belly was.

But the shopping trips made me feel terrible. (And, mind you, this was pre-Internet days, so no online shopping!)

What I had to do was really pay attention to what types of clothes look good on my tall, curvy pre-pregnancy body and stick to those styles when maternity clothes shopping. Tunic tops and leggings, a-line dresses, sweater dresses, slub tunic tops and long skirts look great on a figure like mine and can still work during pregnancy.

Knowing your body type, embracing it, and shopping for it can help you remember while maternity clothes shopping that your pregnant curves are beautiful.

Maternity Clothes Shopping Mistake #8 – Going It Alone

going it aloneIs your tendency to shop by yourself? When sales people approach you, do you say, “No thanks, I’m just browsing?”

If so, snap out of it when you go maternity shopping!

Going it alone is a big mistake when maternity shopping. As I mentioned in the opening of this article, pregnancy is a whole new world. There are going to be changes to your body that you don’t know about yet, and considerations for comfort and fit that you don’t even know you don’t know to think about (did you follow that?).

Don’t be afraid to seek professional assistance when shopping in stores–and even online. (I try to answer every email and phone call inquiry personally, so I can describe colors, feel, etc.)

We maternity store owners are here to help you feel and look beautiful and we really truly want you to be happy. Take some time to talk with sales staff or the owners of the stores to let them know about your lifestyle, your style preferences and what’s already in your wardrobe. Let us recommend pieces that will fit your needs, budget and tastes.

It may be a good idea to bring along a girlfriend, too, especially if you have one who’s already been through pregnancy. Her insight and experience will be a big help. She can:

  • be your moral support when you’re feeling huge and unattractive
  • be a second set of eyes, finding things to try that you may not have picked
  • give you honest feedback about whether a style flatters you or not
  • help you in putting on or removing some more tricky items

With confidence and that inner glow–and by avoiding common mistakes in buying maternity clothes–you’ll enjoy your pregnancy style.

Love,

Tara

More reading: 6 Tips for Buying Maternity Clothes

 

Pregnancy Cartoon

pregnancy cartoon

I’ve created the hashtag #FridayFunny to encourage us to start the weekend with a smile by sharing some humor. If you have some pregnancy humor or parenting humor to share, let me know!

This week’s cartoon I found on The Laughing Stork, a blogger I just discovered and whose humor is right up my alley.

Happy Friday! Love,

Tara

Transitional Objects for Babies

transitional objects for babiesTransitional objects, also known as attachment objects, comfort objects, and “lovies”, are items that babies become attached to with a bond that’s similar to the bond they have with their mothers. Usually soft, common transitional objects for babies are blankets, stuffed animals, burp cloths or items of clothing that babies want to have with them.

When I was a baby and young girl, I had a small tufted quilt with white and pink squares. It was edged with white satin and I had to have it with me wherever I went and hated to have it washed. I remember the feelings of comfort and familiarity I experienced when I buried my face into it and smelled it. I had that blanket, and slept with it, at least until the 6th grade.

My daughter’s lovie was—and is—a synthetic knit baby afghan made by her grandmother. Knowing our aversion to gender imprinting, my husband’s mother chose orange as the color. It’s your basic acrylic yarn—which in retrospect I wish we had been as adamant about opposing as the traditional pink color. You see, my daughter, through her entire 2nd year, chewed on her blanket until it was nearly tatters. If I had known she’d be eating it, I would have put something organic in front of her instead.

We didn’t choose to give our baby daughter a transitional object—it was something she made for herself. As a young, first-time parent, I didn’t know anything about transitional objects for babies. It had never occurred to me to intentionally create or give my baby something she’d attach to. Of course I’d seen other children have attachments to their blankets or stuffed animals, and I certainly remembered my tufted quilt, but I didn’t know if it that attachment to an item was a good thing or not.

As it turns out, however, attachment objects are a natural, healthy part of infant and childhood development. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, lovies are called transitional objects “because they help children make the emotional transition from dependence to independence.”

The transitional object becomes a surrogate you, imbued with your scent, associated with comfort, security and the loving, bonded relationship you have with your baby. With the lovie close to him when you’re gone, or when you’re in a new place or your routine has been disrupted, your baby feels more secure, connected to you and the reliable, trustworthy care and safety he knows from you.

As early as 3-6 months of age, babies begin to development an awareness of their separateness from their mothers. Transitional objects for babies help them to feel secure and calm while they come to this realization that they can be separated from their mothers. This kind of comfort helps babies develop emotional independence and confidence.

Did you have a transitional object when you were a baby? What items have you seen as transitional objects for babies?

Love,

Tara

Getting Back to Normal After Pregnancy

This week’s Friday Funny is from the HubPages of “prettydarkhorse.”

QuestionOur baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

Answer: When the kids are in college.

What Are Your Chances of Having Twins?

your chances of having twinsWondering what your chances are of having twins?

According to a CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) report issued this past week, today’s mothers have a 1 in 30 chance of having twins–up from a 1 in 53 chance back in 1980.

While the overall odds might be 1 in 30, there’s always more to the story, right? Here are some of the factors that affect your chances of having twins:

Your Chances Improve with Age

According to the CDC report, the percentage of women having twins varies by age of the mom as follows:

  • Women 40 and older – 7%
  • Women in their late 30s – 5%
  • Women aged 24 or younger – 2%

So, does it automatically mean that the older you are, the greater your chances are for having twins? To some extent, yes.

According to the Associated Press article “Chances Of Having Twins Rises: Rate At 1 In 30 Babies,” there is research that indicates as women age, they may have multiple ovulations, or release more eggs with each ovulation cycle.

Fertility Treatments Up Your Chances

The other reason we’re seeing more twins born to women in their late 30s and 40s is because older aspiring mothers are more likely to be using fertility treatments that result in multiple eggs released during ovulation following pharmaceutical treatment or in multiple embryos being implanted through in vitro fertilization.

Do You Carry the “Twin Gene?”

Although neither the CDC report nor the AP article mention it, your chances of getting pregnant with twins could be genetic, too. The reason that twins appear to run in the family is that there is a gene that causes hyper ovulation (releasing more than one egg during your ovulation cycle).

There are twins in my family: my paternal grandfather’s mother was a fraternal twin and so was my paternal grandmother.

For that reason, I don’t find it at all surprising that in my 20s and now during my 30s, I’ve experienced hyper ovulation during the course of the year. It happens in 2 or 3 cycles out of every year and I know it’s happening because I experience mittelschmerz, or ovulation pain. Each month, I feel a twinge in the ovary that’s up to bat. And every few months or two, it happens in both ovaries at the same time.

I’ve always wanted twins, but since I started parenting at such a young age, it probably wouldn’t have been a good idea. As it turns out, the reason I’ve experienced hyper ovulation in my late 20s and 30s could be explained from the information below.

The Diet Difference

Back in 2006, an obstetrician at the North Shore-Long Island Jewish Health System published a study in the Journal of Reproductive Medicine that suggested a correlation between diet and a woman’s chances of getting pregnant with twins. (See “Chances of Having Twins Can Be Modified By Diet“.)

Vegans, it seems are significantly less likely to get pregnant with twins, while omnivores are 5 times more likely to have twins.

As it turns out, I was vegan from the time I was 16 until I got pregnant at age 20, and I was vegetarian during my pregnancy and until I was 25. Perhaps it was the lack of dairy and meat products that led me to have a singleton when I conceived back in 1995.

But I have this factor in my favor if I still want to have twins:

Tall Chance

The same obstetrician, Dr. Gary Steinman, who discovered the diet and twin correlation found a connection between a woman’s height and her chances of having twins, too. Turns out that women who have twins tend to be an inch or more taller than average.

At 5′ 11″, that increases my chances!

Breastfeeding for Multiple Babies

And lastly, this little tidbit: “Dr. Steinman found that women who become pregnant while breastfeeding are nine times more likely to conceive twins than women who are not breastfeeding at the time of conception.”

Wow!

Using breastfeeding as a form of birth control isn’t really advisable, but it looks like it could really backfire. If you’re breastfeeding and using that as your only birth control method to avoid pregnancy, you may not only end up getting pregnant, but also having twins!

Are you a mom of twins, or expecting twins? Did any of the above factors seem to increase your chance of having twins?

Love,

Tara

Pregnancy Breast Tenderness

Pregnancy Breast TendernessBreast tenderness. Ouch. It’s really no fun, and for many women, even before their period is late, breast tenderness offers the first hint at pregnancy.

At first, you may not be sure that the breast tenderness actually is a sign of pregnancy, because your breasts feel achy, sore and heavy just prior to your period almost every month. (This was true for me, at least! My breasts begin to feel tender and ache about 5-6 days after I ovulate, so I couldn’t trust it as a sign of pregnancy because it was such a regular occurrence each month.)

That PMS breast tenderness that’s so familiar to you is caused by the same thing as pregnancy breast tenderness: fluctuating surges of estrogen and progesterone.

Your hormones are brewing big time in preparation for the grand plans they have for baby-making. They’re conspiring to bring more blood to your breast tissue, build milk ducts and pad on fat. That’s why pregnancy breast tenderness is a very common experience throughout the first trimester. The good news: as your pregnancy progesses, the tenderness will subside.

In the meantime, there’s not a whole lot you can do to alleviate pregnancy breast tenderness besides avoid hugging people, putting up a “Don’t Touch” sign in bed with your partner, and not sleeping on your stomach.

If there is anything that will help minimize pregnancy breast tenderness, it’s getting a new, more supportive bra without underwire. It’s painfully (pardon the pun) ironic–because you’re going to outgrow the bra in your second trimester–but a tighter band and soft, cotton or natural fiber cup can provide extra support to keep your breasts from moving, bouncing and feeling achy.

Similarly, you can consider wearing a maternity sleep bra at night to minimize the discomfort of pregnancy breast tenderness at night.

Do your breasts ache? How long has your pregnancy breast tenderness lasted?

Love,

Tara

 

What It Looks Like When Men Give Birth

Ever wonder what it would look like if men could give birth? Under hypnosis, these three guys deliver babies on stage.

In real life, I would eschew the idea of going to a hypnosis show to watch this. I don’t like watching other people embarrass themselves. It makes me uncomfortable. But on You Tube, it’s a few steps removed, so while I experienced some discomfort watching this video, I actually did laugh. Hope you do, too.

Love,

Tara

PS: I’ve been on a mission to make the hashtag #FridayFunny take off. It’s my way of starting the weekend with a smile by sharing some humor on our blog, Facebook page and my Twitter account. If you have some pregnancy humor or parenting humor to share, let me know!

Can You Tell Me Where to Breastfeed on Sesame Street?

You know how the jingle goes, don’t you? “Can you tell me how to get…how to get to Sesame Street?”

In case you don’t know (and I can’t imagine how you can’t know!) Sesame Street is a popular children’s television show that’s been airing on public television since 1969. I watched it throughout the 70s and 80s. When my daughter was old enough to watch TV, she watched it. It’s a television series trusted by generations of parents to entertain their toddlers.

But some of today’s mothers are wondering, “Can you tell me where to breastfeed on Sesame Street?”

According to the “Bring breastfeeding back to Sesame Street” petition created by Lani, the mother behind the Boobie Time blog, images of breastfeeding moms on the Sesame Street television series used to be fairly common throughout the 70s and 80s, but since then, have been replaced by images of bottle-feeding.

Completely by coincidence, I had happened upon “A collection of breastfeeding videos from Sesame Street” at the Motherlove blog yesterday morning and was planning to share it here. There are some wonderful vignettes that either directly or indirectly feature breastfeeding. Here’s one of the more contemporary ones (from 1998!):

But since I hadn’t watched it in so many years, it didn’t even occur to me to wonder about how pregnancy or breastfeeding would have been portrayed on the show since then. What an “a ha” moment when I saw the tweet about the petition to bring breastfeeding back to Sesame Street.

If Lani is right, and there’s now only exclusive images of babies being bottle-fed on the show, then Sesame Street should hear from us moms that it’s time to make some new scenes!

If you think that breastfeeding should return to Sesame Street, join in the effort!

  1. Sign the petition.
  2. Tweet the hashtag #BFBack2SesameS
  3. Share on Facebook and all your social networks.

Love,

Tara

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